NASA Blondes

Posted by chiefjoker on Saturday, May 14th, 2011

There’s 1 redhead 1 brunette and 1 blonde. Their all at the NASA space center. The redhead says to the flight technician “I want to go to the moon”. The flight technician says she can go tomorrow. The brunette says “I want to go to Mars”. He says she can go next week. The blonde [...]

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A belch of a rhyme

Posted by chiefjoker on Saturday, May 14th, 2011

A Belch is just one gust of wind, That cometh from thy Heart… But should it take the downward trend, It turns into a Fart

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Job Applicant Speak

Posted by joker1 on Saturday, May 21st, 2011

What they say… and what they really mean… I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH STRESSFUL SITUATIONS: I’m usually on Prozac. When I’m not, I take lots of cigarette and coffee breaks. I SEEK A JOB THAT WILL DRAW UPON MY STRONG COMMUNICATION & ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS: I talk too much and like to tell other people [...]

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The Most Important Discoveries

Posted by joker1 on Saturday, May 21st, 2011

Man discovered weapons, invented hunting. Woman discovered hunting, invented furs. Man discovered colors, invented painting. Woman discovered painting, invented make-up. Man discovered speech, invented conversation. Woman discovered conversation, invented gossip. Man discovered agriculture, invented food. Woman discovered food, invented diet. Man discovered friendship, invented love. Woman discovered love, invented marriage. Man discovered woman, invented sex. [...]

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Revenge!

Posted by chiefjoker on Saturday, May 14th, 2011

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?” She responds by yelling, at the top of her [...]

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Ceiling & Stars

Posted by chiefjoker on Saturday, May 14th, 2011

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

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Congress Approves Americans With No Abilities Act

Posted by joker1 on Saturday, May 21st, 2011

WASHINGTON, DC–On Tuesday, Congress approved the Americans With No Abilities Act, sweeping new legislation that provides benefits and protection for more than 135 million talentless Americans. The act, signed into law by President Clinton shortly after its passage, is being hailed as a major victory for the millions upon millions of U.S. citizens who lack [...]

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25 Year Itch

Posted by chiefjoker on Saturday, May 14th, 2011

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?” The husband replied, “All I wanted to do [...]

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Arkansas Residency Application

Posted by joker1 on Saturday, May 21st, 2011

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Last Name: ________________ (last)

First Name: (Check appropriate box)
(_) Billy-Joe
(_) Billy-Ray
(_)
Billy-Sue
(_) Billy-Mae
(_) Billy-Jack

Age: ____
Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A
Shoe Size ____ Left ____ Right

Occupation:
(_) Farmer
(_) Mechanic
(_) Hair Dresser
(_)
Un-employed

Spouse’s Name: __________________________

Relationship with spouse:
(_) Sister
(_) Brother
(_) Aunt
(_)
Uncle
(_) Cousin
(_) Mother
(_) Father
(_) Son
(_)
Daughter
(_) Pet

Number of children living in household: ___
Number that are yours: ___

Mother’s Name: _______

Father’s Name: _______(If not sure, leave blank)

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade
completed)

Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home?

___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still
crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back
yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks

Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ truck
____
bedroom
____ bathroom
____ kitchen
____ shed

Model and year of your pickup: ______ 194_

Do you have a gun rack?
(_) Yes (_) No; please explain:

 

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
(_) The National Enquirer
(_)
The Globe
(_) TV Guide
(_) Soap Opera Digest
(_) Rifle and Shotgun

___ Number of times you’ve seen a UFO
___ Number of times you’ve seen
Elvis
___ Number of times you’ve seen Elvis in a UFO

How often do you bathe:
(_)Weekly
(_)Monthly
(_)Not Applicable

Color of
teeth:
(_)Yellow
(_)Brownish-Yellow
(_)Brown
(_)Black
(_)N/A

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
(_)Red-Man

How far is your home from a paved road?
(_)1 mile
(_)2
miles
(_)don’t know

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