Archive for July, 2011
Sounds Fine to me….
“What am I supposed to do with this?” grumbled a motorist as the policeman handed him a speeding ticket. “Keep it,” the cop said, “then when you’ve collected four of them you get a bicycle.”
Detail
A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed three men and a dog playing cards. The dog was exhibiting an extraordinary performance. “That is one smart dog,” the man commented. “He’s not that smart,” said one of the losing players. “Every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail.”
Peace Insurance
Getting away from their high-stress work, a couple spend relaxing weekends in their motor home. Finding their peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from other campers, they devised a plan to assure themselves some privacy. Now, when they set up camp, they place this sign on the door of their RV: “Insurance [...]
Unsettled !
“A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce.” Don Quinn
Stretched Truth.
Two guys who worked together were both laid off, so off they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, the first guy said, “Panty stitcher…I sew the elastic onto women’s panties.” The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classed as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay. The second [...]
What It Means
Five year old Becky answered the door when the Census taker came by. She told the Census taker that her daddy was a doctor and wasn’t home, because he was performing an appendectomy. “My,” said the census taker, “that sure is a big word for such a little girl. Do you know what it means?” [...]
Doctor, doctor
Doctor, doctor, my wooden leg is giving me a lot of pain. Why’s that? My wife keeps hitting me over the head with it. Doctor, doctor, my hair’s coming out. Can you give me something to keep it in? Certainly – how about a paper bag? Doctor, doctor, people keep ignoring me. Next, please! Doctor, [...]
You told her what?
A woman went to doctors office where she was seen by one of the new doctors. After about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he had [...]
Break-Up
There was a pretty Nurse named Carol who broke her engagement to a doctor. She was explaining everything to a friend. “Do you mean to say,” exclaimed Cindy, “that the bum asked you to give back the ring AND all his presents ?” “Not only that,” said Carol, “he sent me a bill for 37 [...]
The Execution
Once upon a time there lived three men: a doctor, a chemist, and an engineer. For some reason all three offended the king and were sentenced to die on the same day. The day of the execution arrived, and the doctor was led up to the guillotine. As he strapped the doctor to the guillotine, [...]