Archive for the ‘Animals’ Category
Revelation or Evolution
One day, an ape escaped from the Zoo. They searched for him everywhere in every district. They announced his disappearance on the radio and television as well as in the newspapers, but no one reported seeing the ape. At last, the ape was found in the Public Library. Officials of the zoo and the animal [...]
One Way To Get It In The Neck…
“Most people are pretty scared of werewolves, but I bet if you saw one crying because the other wolves had made fun of him, you’d be like me and would probably feel sorry for him and try to pet him.” “That was my first mistake.”
Detail
A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed three men and a dog playing cards. The dog was exhibiting an extraordinary performance. “That is one smart dog,” the man commented. “He’s not that smart,” said one of the losing players. “Every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail.”
Things Dogs Must Try To Remember…
I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m lying under the coffee table. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur [...]
Why Puppies Are Better Than Boyfriends
1. Puppies won’t ask you if it’s the best puppy you’ve ever had. 2. A puppy always comes to you when you call it. 3. If you show affection for a puppy, it returns it with no strings attached. 4. All you need to do for a puppy to love you forever is feed it [...]
Why Cats Are Better Than Men….
1. A cat matures as it grows older. 2. Back hair on cats is cute. 3. It is legal in all states to neuter a cat. 4. Cats comfort you when you are sick. 5. When a cat sleeps all day it’s natural, not annoying. 6. Unlike a man, a cat can fend for itself. [...]
Cat Haiku
You never feed me. Perhaps I’ll sleep on your face. That will sure show you. You must scratch me there! Yes, above my tail! Behold, elevator butt. The rule for today Touch my tail, I shred your hand. New rule tomorrow. In deep sleep hear sound Cat vomit, hairball somewhere Will find in morning. Grace [...]
An Ode To Furballs
1. After dark, all cats are jaguars… 2. Never *ever* try to baptize a cat. 3. Cats are smarter than dogs. You cannot get a cat to pull a sled. 4. A cat knows your every thought. It doesn’t care. But it knows . 5. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little [...]
The Preacher’s Donkey
A man bought a donkey from a preacher. The preacher told the man that this donkey had been trained in a very unique way, (being the donkey of a preacher). The only way to make the donkey go, was to say, “Hallelujah!” The only way to make the donkey stop, was to say, “Amen!” The [...]
A Dog’s Rules For Christmas
1. Be especially patient with your humans during this time. They may appear to be more stressed-out than usual and they will appreciate long comforting dog leans. 2. They may come home with large bags of things they call gifts. Do not assume that all the gifts are yours. 3. Be tolerant if your humans [...]