Archive for the ‘Dirty’ Category
Stretched Truth.
Two guys who worked together were both laid off, so off they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, the first guy said, “Panty stitcher…I sew the elastic onto women’s panties.” The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classed as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay. The second [...]
Important meeting…
Last week a very important meeting took place among God, the Pope and Moses. They were troubled because the President of the United States was behaving in an inappropriate manner and there were many people who saw nothing wrong in what he had done. They decided that the only course of action left was to [...]
Top Ten Acronyms Least Used In Personal Ads
10. JRLA — Janet Reno Look-Alike 9. CWP — Cigar-Wielding President 8. MSG S/G W/B M/F KOPWPFYB — Moon walking Single-Gloved Straight/Gay White/Black Male/Female King Of Pop With Predilection For Young Boys 7. RHMI — Really Hip Macarena Instructor 6. HAWGSOH — Heroin Addict with Great Sense of Humor 5. STLSM — Show Tune-Loving Straight [...]
Rolex watch instead of pistol
An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed Grandson I wanta you to listen to me. I wanta you to take mya 45 automatic pistol, so you will always remember me. But grandpa I really don’t like guns, how about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead. You [...]
My tool died…
A man at a retirement home was walking around with his zipper down holding his penis. A young nurse says “Why are you doing that?” He replies, “It died today.” “Oh that’s terrible!”, the nurse replied The next day the man has his penis hanging outside of his pants again. The same nurse says, “I [...]
Date with a blind
John took his blind date to the carnival. “What would you like to do first, Kim?” asked the man. “I want to get weighed,” said the girl. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize. Next the couple went [...]
My husband’s home
A man came down with the flu and was forced to stay home one day. He was glad for the interlude because it taught him how much his wife loved him. She was so thrilled to have him around that when a delivery man or the mailman arrived, she ran out and yelled, “My husband’s [...]
Clinton Joke
Two new young interns are hired in the White House. They are walking down the hall when President Clinton sees them. The President walks up and says, “Gee, I’ve never come across your faces before.”
I had to do all the work
A young associate was romantically ambushed in a darkened room of the law firm. After months of the social isolation that comes from eighty hour work weeks, the associate was happy to reciprocate. However, when asked by a friend to identify the lover, the associate was puzzled. “All I know for sure is that it [...]
Reasons For Being Fired From Toys ‘R’ Us
15. A little too much joie de vivre while demonstrating the erector set, if you know what I mean. 14. Every time you’re passed over for a promotion, you stick your head in an Easy Bake Oven and threaten to “end it all.” 13. You got caught adding a garage to your house using embezzled [...]