Archive for the ‘Lawyer’ Category
A lawyer’s wife dies
A lawyer’s wife dies. At the cemetery, people are appalled to see that the tombstone reads, “Here lies Phyllis, wife of Murray, L.L.D., Wills, Divorce, Malpractice.” Suddenly, Murray bursts into tears. His brother says, “You should cry, pulling a stunt like this!” Through his tears, Murray croaks, “You don’t understand! They left out the phone [...]
Mr. Smith is dead
A law firm receptionist answered the phone the morning after the firm’s senior partner had passed away unexpectedly. “Is Mr. Smith there?”, asked the client on the phone. “I’m very sorry, but Mr. Smith passed away last night,” the receptionist answered. “Is Mr. Smith there?”, repeated the client. The receptionist was perplexed. “Perhaps you didn’t [...]
The First Witness
A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial – a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?” She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you’ve been a [...]
A lawyer was on his deathbed
A lawyer was on his deathbed in his bedroom, and he called to his wife. She rushed in and said, ‘What is it, honey?’ He told her to run and get the bible as soon as possible. Being a religious woman, she thought this was a good idea. She ran and got it, prepared to [...]
My Last Will…
The lawyer was reading out the Will of Sam Rosenblatt, a rich man, to those people mentioned in the Will: “To my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in the rough times, as well as the good, the house and $2 million. “To my daughter Sahra, who looked after me in illness and kept [...]
You Know You Need a Different Lawyer When ……
* You met him in prison. * During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway. * He tells you that his last good case was a Budweiser. * When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other. * He picks the jury by playing “duck-duck-goose.” * [...]
A Penthouse In Heaven
The Pope dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, Saint Peter shows him to his new quarters which turn out to be a tiny one bedroom apartment. The Pope is horrified and wants to know why he doesn’t have the penthouse apartment, which is huge. Saint Peter informs him that the resident of [...]
Generous Lawyer
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. “Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you [...]
Reading of the Will
The relatives of the family’s rich dowager gathered for the reading of her will after her long awaited death. “Being of sound mind,” read the lawyer, “I spent every last cent before I died.”
Complimentary Testimony
“You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background,” sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. “If I wasn’t under oath, I’d return the compliment,” replied the witness.