Archive for the ‘Miscellaneous’ Category
Sounds Fine to me….
“What am I supposed to do with this?” grumbled a motorist as the policeman handed him a speeding ticket. “Keep it,” the cop said, “then when you’ve collected four of them you get a bicycle.”
Peace Insurance
Getting away from their high-stress work, a couple spend relaxing weekends in their motor home. Finding their peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from other campers, they devised a plan to assure themselves some privacy. Now, when they set up camp, they place this sign on the door of their RV: “Insurance [...]
Change for a forty?
Did you hear about the Indian chief who traded in his forty year old squaw for two twenty year olds? A couple of weeks later a couple of fellow braves saw him back with his forty year old squaw. They said, “What happened to your two twenty year olds?” The Chief replied, “Me no wired [...]
A Chinese Guy, a Hindu, and a Canadian
A Chinese guy, a Hindu, and a Canadian guy were all taken for a ride up in a hot air balloon. Each were told to bring something they had too much of in their country. When they were 1500 feet up, they were told to throw over what they brought. The Chinese guy threw over [...]
Final Analysis
When weeding, the best way to make quite that sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant, is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it was not a weed.
A Fine Story…
Here is a supposedly true story someone found regarding exams at Cambridge University. It seems that during an examination one day a bright young student popped up and asked the proctor to bring him Cakes and Ale. The following dialog ensued: Proctor: I beg your pardon? Student: Sir, I request that you bring me Cakes [...]
Midget Fortune Teller
Queen Fiona had two claims to fame. She could tell fortunes and she was a midget. The local authorities frowned on her because they thought that fortune telling was fraudulent. They had Queeny arrested. She was placed in a holding cell. Since she was so small she was able to squeeze between the bars of [...]
An Italian Man Gets One Wish
An Italian man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden he said out loud, “Lord, grant me one wish.” Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, “Because you have had the faith to ask, I will grant you one wish.” The [...]
Tickle Me Elmo:
There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM. The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock [...]
Ever Wonder….
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? Why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why you don’t ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”? Why “abbreviated” is such a long word? Why doctors call what they do “practice”? Why you have to click on “Start” to stop Windows 98? [...]