Archive for the ‘Sex’ Category
I want an operation
Dear Doctor, I wish to apply for an operation to make me sterile. My reasons are numerous and after being married for seven years, and having a child each year, I have come to the conclusion that contraceptives are absolutely useless. After getting married I was told to use the “Rhythm Method.” Whilst trying the [...]
uncounted number of sex
The two old coots were both only a year short of retirement from the assembly line, but one Monday morning that didn’t keep Joe from boasting to Manny about his sexual endurance. “Three times,” gasped Manny admiringly. “How’d you do it?” “It was easy.” Joe looked down modestly. “I made love to my wife, and [...]
Safe sex
These days, safe sex isn’t just a good idea, it’s a matter of life and death. Here are some valuable tips to help you “play it safe”… Do not blow dealers for crack; blow regular citizens for cash, then buy the crack directly. Think about parents’ nude bodies during foreplay; resultant loss of erection will [...]
laws of sex
1.The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings. 2.Nothing improves with age. 3.No matter how many times you’ve had it, if it’s offered take it, because it’ll never be quite the same again. 4.Sex has no calories. 5.Sex takes up the least amount [...]
HOW THEY HAVE SEX
ACCOUNTANTS are good with figures. ACTORS do it on cue. ADVERTISERS use the “new, improved” method. AMBULANCE DRIVERS come quicker. ANSI does it in the standard way ARCHEOLOGISTS like it old. ARCHITECTS have great plans. ARTISTS are exhibitionists. ASSEMBLY LINE WORKERS do it over and over. ASTRONOMERS do it with Uranus. ATTORNEYS make better motions. [...]
Murphy’s Law in Sex
1.The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings. 2.Nothing improves with age. 3.No matter how many times you’ve had it, if it’s offered take it, because it’ll never be quite the same again. 4.Sex has no calories. 5.Sex takes up the least amount [...]
How They Have Sex….
ACCOUNTANTS are good with figures. ACTORS do it on cue. ADVERTISERS use the “new, improved” method. AMBULANCE DRIVERS come quicker. ANSI does it in the standard way ARCHEOLOGISTS like it old. ARCHITECTS have great plans. ARTISTS are exhibitionists. ASSEMBLY LINE WORKERS do it over and over. ASTRONOMERS do it with Uranus. ATTORNEYS make better motions. [...]
A Marching Band Is Better Than Sex Because…
1. More than 200 people can participate comfortably. 2. You can be as loud as you want and the neighbors won’t complain. 3. A video tape of it won’t be considered pornographic. 4. Parents like watching their kids do it. 5. Now matter how cold it is outside you can still do it. 6. You [...]
Why We Didn’t Do It…
To My Dear Wife, During the past year, I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 12 times. The following list is why I didn’t succeed often. 1. The sheets are clean. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .54 times 2. It [...]
Safe Sex
These days, safe sex isn’t just a good idea, it’s a matter of life and death. Here are some valuable tips to help you “play it safe”… Do not blow dealers for crack; blow regular citizens for cash, then buy the crack directly. Think about parents’ nude bodies during foreplay; resultant loss of erection will [...]