Jokes And Java http://www.jokesandjava.com Just another WordPress site Fri, 02 Dec 2011 16:44:05 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1.3 Revelation or Evolution http://www.jokesandjava.com/2011/12/02/revelation-or-evolution/ http://www.jokesandjava.com/2011/12/02/revelation-or-evolution/#comments Fri, 02 Dec 2011 16:44:05 +0000 joker2 http://www.jokesandjava.com/?p=2664 One day, an ape escaped from the Zoo. They searched for him everywhere in every district. They announced his disappearance on the radio and television as well as in the newspapers, but no one reported seeing the ape.
At last, the ape was found in the Public Library. Officials of the zoo and the animal keepers were summoned to the library. They found the ape sitting at a desk in the reading room with two books spread out in front of him. The ape was reading with great concentration. One book was the Bible; the other was a book written by Darwin.
When the zookeepers asked the ape what he was doing, the ape replied, “I’m trying to figure out whether I am my brother’s keeper or my keeper’s brother.”

]]> http://www.jokesandjava.com/2011/12/02/revelation-or-evolution/feed/ 0 For Thought http://www.jokesandjava.com/2011/11/13/for-thought/ http://www.jokesandjava.com/2011/11/13/for-thought/#comments Sun, 13 Nov 2011 16:44:05 +0000 joker2 http://www.jokesandjava.com/?p=2685 “Misers aren’t much fun to live with, but they do make wonderful ancestors.” – David Brenner

]]> http://www.jokesandjava.com/2011/11/13/for-thought/feed/ 0 Eloquence http://www.jokesandjava.com/2011/11/10/eloquence/ http://www.jokesandjava.com/2011/11/10/eloquence/#comments Thu, 10 Nov 2011 16:44:05 +0000 joker2 http://www.jokesandjava.com/?p=2693 A distinguished clergyman and a friend were playing golf. It was a very close match, and at the last hole the two were only one stroke apart. The clergyman teed up, addressed the ball, and swung his driver with great force…slicing the ball deep into the woods.
The clergyman glared, and bit his lip while his face turned crimson, but said nothing. His opponent watched him for a while and then remarked, “Reverend, that’s the most profane silence I have ever heard.”

]]> http://www.jokesandjava.com/2011/11/10/eloquence/feed/ 0 One Way To Get It In The Neck… http://www.jokesandjava.com/2011/11/10/one-way-to-get-it-in-the-neck%e2%80%a6/ http://www.jokesandjava.com/2011/11/10/one-way-to-get-it-in-the-neck%e2%80%a6/#comments Thu, 10 Nov 2011 16:44:05 +0000 joker2 http://www.jokesandjava.com/?p=2687 “Most people are pretty scared of werewolves, but I bet if you saw one crying because the other wolves had made fun of him, you’d be like me and would probably feel sorry for him and try to pet him.”
“That was my first mistake.”

]]> http://www.jokesandjava.com/2011/11/10/one-way-to-get-it-in-the-neck%e2%80%a6/feed/ 0 Sounds Fine to me…. http://www.jokesandjava.com/2011/07/25/sounds-fine-to-me%e2%80%a6/ http://www.jokesandjava.com/2011/07/25/sounds-fine-to-me%e2%80%a6/#comments Mon, 25 Jul 2011 16:44:05 +0000 joker2 http://www.jokesandjava.com/?p=2675 “What am I supposed to do with this?” grumbled a motorist as the policeman handed him a speeding ticket.
“Keep it,” the cop said, “then when you’ve collected four of them you get a bicycle.”

]]> http://www.jokesandjava.com/2011/07/25/sounds-fine-to-me%e2%80%a6/feed/ 0 Detail http://www.jokesandjava.com/2011/07/25/detail/ http://www.jokesandjava.com/2011/07/25/detail/#comments Mon, 25 Jul 2011 16:44:05 +0000 joker2 http://www.jokesandjava.com/?p=2673 A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed three men and a dog playing cards. The dog was exhibiting an extraordinary performance.
“That is one smart dog,” the man commented.
“He’s not that smart,” said one of the losing players. “Every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail.”

]]> http://www.jokesandjava.com/2011/07/25/detail/feed/ 0 Peace Insurance http://www.jokesandjava.com/2011/07/25/peace-insurance/ http://www.jokesandjava.com/2011/07/25/peace-insurance/#comments Mon, 25 Jul 2011 16:44:05 +0000 joker2 http://www.jokesandjava.com/?p=2671 Getting away from their high-stress work, a couple spend relaxing weekends in their motor home. Finding their peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from other campers, they devised a plan to assure themselves some privacy.
Now, when they set up camp, they place this sign on the door of their RV:
“Insurance agent. Ask about our whole of life package.”

]]> http://www.jokesandjava.com/2011/07/25/peace-insurance/feed/ 0 Unsettled ! http://www.jokesandjava.com/2011/07/25/unsettled/ http://www.jokesandjava.com/2011/07/25/unsettled/#comments Mon, 25 Jul 2011 16:44:05 +0000 joker2 http://www.jokesandjava.com/?p=2669 “A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce.” Don Quinn

]]> http://www.jokesandjava.com/2011/07/25/unsettled/feed/ 0 Stretched Truth. http://www.jokesandjava.com/2011/07/25/stretched-truth/ http://www.jokesandjava.com/2011/07/25/stretched-truth/#comments Mon, 25 Jul 2011 16:44:05 +0000 joker2 http://www.jokesandjava.com/?p=2667 Two guys who worked together were both laid off, so off they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, the first guy said, “Panty stitcher…I sew the elastic onto women’s panties.”
The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classed as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.
The second guy was asked his occupation. “Diesel fitter,” he replied. Diesel fitter is listed as a skilled job, so the clerk gave the second guy $600 a week.
When the first guy found out he was furious. He stormed into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.
The clerk explained, “Panty stitchers are unskilled, but diesel fitters are skilled labor.”
“What skill?!” yelled the panty stitcher. “I sew the elastic on and then he stretches it out tight and decides, Yep, dese’ll fit ‘er.”

]]> http://www.jokesandjava.com/2011/07/25/stretched-truth/feed/ 0 What It Means http://www.jokesandjava.com/2011/07/24/what-it-means/ http://www.jokesandjava.com/2011/07/24/what-it-means/#comments Sun, 24 Jul 2011 16:44:05 +0000 joker2 http://www.jokesandjava.com/?p=1295 Five year old Becky answered the door when the Census taker came by.

She told the Census taker that her daddy was a doctor and wasn’t home, because he was performing an appendectomy.

“My,” said the census taker, “that sure is a big word for such a little girl. Do you know what it means?”

“Sure! Fifteen hundred bucks, and that doesn’t even include the anaesthesiologist!”

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